Is it perhaps a mere mystical preference? A toying of my own mind convincing my heart of things not there? But if I would compare the time on the roof with my time in the room, it would be as if comparing two different worlds. The room, with the locked door, the blackened lights, the bedside floor, these evoke my soul to speak through the strings of silence finding my way to Heaven’s court. But in the room, the silence betrays me often. My thoughts linger and my heart often wanders. My eyes and ears are bound to silence’s grasp, and times come by when silence would bring them through the road of random memory and imagination.

But on the roof in prayer? The skies demand my eyes be lifted up and behold the manifold excellencies of God and be drowned in awe and wonder. The cool breeze of the air reminds me of God filling the earth with His glory. Every blade of tree and grass arrests my soul and grips me to worship. The moon and the stars, the clouds in the air, the breeze of the wind through the leaves of the trees, these and more, shout and cry out to me in increasing intensity:

May the glory of the LORD endure forever;
may the LORD rejoice in his works,
who looks on the earth and it trembles,
who touches the mountains and they smoke!
I will sing to the LORD as long as I live;
I will sing praise to my God while I have being.
May my meditation be pleasing to him,
for I rejoice in the LORD.
Let sinners be consumed from the earth,
and let the wicked be no more!
Bless the LORD, O my soul!
Praise the LORD!

—Psalm 104:31-35

O Lord my God, when I in awesome wonder
Consider all the worlds thy hands have made,
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed.

When through the woods and forest glades I wander
And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees,
When I look down from lofty mountain grandeur,
And hear the brook and feel the gentle breeze.

And when I think that God, his Son not sparing,
Sent him to die, I scarce can take it in,
That on the cross, my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin.

When Christ shall come with shout of acclamation
And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart!
Then I shall bow in humble adoration,
And there proclaim, My God, how great thou art!

O, when I see ungrateful man defiling
This bounteous earth, God’s gifts so good and great,
In foolish pride God’s holy name reviling
And yet, in grace, his wrath and judgment wait.

When burdens press, and seem beyond endurance,
Bowed down with grief, to him I lift my face,
And then in love he brings me sweet assurance,
My child! for thee sufficient is my grace.

Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to thee:
How great thou art! How great thou art!
Then sings my soul, my Savior God, to thee:
How great thou art! How great thou art!

Yesterday was a blessed day for me. Spent precious moments in prayer. Also, I received answers to some of those prayers. What sweetness is there in the emptying of the soul before His most holy throne? When stricken with fear, a sense of disgust of self for all mine sin and wickedness? And yet when laid bare before His throne, the Lamb ever intercedes with His blood and a fountain of life and peace springs forth and fills me to overflowing.

To be filled with Christ is to first be empty of self. To determine one’s self as of no value and to see the Lord Jesus as most precious, infinitely precious, in His glory and beauty.

For the heart to be filled with the love of God an emptying of heart must first take place, an honest inspection and laying down of all that is within us before Him. When the heart has been emptied of all hope in itself, all high thoughts of self, all comforts in self, fully confessing the hopelessness of self, and the utter detestation that it so deserves for the abomination that it is… Then, we realize that the heart is being wounded by God the Holy Spirit Himself, breaking it into a million pieces. And then He binds it up. He wounds then He heals and beholds upon our hearts the wellspring of the eternal love of God in the Lord Jesus Christ. He fills our affections with joy unspeakable, with gladness never-ending, and reminds us that though we fail and fall, God, He never fails. Though our affections for God fall short from what they should be, God’s steadfast love never fails and will always draw us unto Himself.

Oh! The wonder of the glory of Almighty God for His ever enduring love for His people!

Bless the Lord, O my soul and all that is within me! Bless His holy Name! Bless the Lord, O my soul and forget not all His benefits, Who forgives you of your iniquities and heals all your diseases, Who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, Who satisfies you with good so your youth is renewed like the eagle’s! Bless the Lord, O my soul!!!

Another reason why I haven’t written is because I was determined to truly pray again, if I haven’t accomplished that I will not write.

The Lord granted the yearning of my heart. Last night, the Lord drew me unto Himself. I was crushed and abased before Him, my sins laid out unto His feet. O what an abomination am I. Over and over again despising the Cross, the Throne, the blood that was shed, and the Spirit of Him who saved me.

And yet in the infinite depths of His grace, He brushed all that aside and said: “I know. I know how ugly, how detestable, how damnable you and your sins are… Now let’s talk about my Son. Let’s talk about how He is a perfect Savior for all who believes in Him. Let’s talk about how He ever intercedes with His blood before the throne for all those that are His.”

I spent hours languishing before God, begging for His grace and mercy, for myself, my family, my church… And all the people we have given out Gospel tracts to, 21,000 of them.

I pleaded with God: “Glorify yourself, O God! Glorify yourself in saving 20,000 souls! In saving my family and all those around me! Souls! Glorify yourself, dear God! For your own Name’s sake, please save these people! Glorify yourself! Cause us to live for Your glory and for Your glory alone. Make us holy as You are holy, conforming us in the image of Your Son! Oh, all for the glory of Your Name!”

The prayer never really ended. I just kept on pleading with God… I prayed myself to sleep.

“The printed page never flinches, it never shows cowardice; it is never tempted to compromise. The printed page never gets tired; it never gets disheartened. The printed page travels cheaply-you can be a missionary for the price of a stamp. It requires no building in which to operate. The printed page works while you sleep. It never loses its temper in discussion. And it works when you are gone from the scene. The printed page is a visitor that gets inside the home and stays there. It always catches a man in the right mood. It speaks to him only when he is reading it. It never answer’s back and it sticks to the point.”

—Author Unknown

Craig Ireland (Pastor of Hope Christian Church) and Luke Stewart arrived on Wednesday afternoon (February 2).

Here is my journal.

Thursday, February 3

Today marks the first day of a local missions endeavor in partnership with Hope Christian Church. We are indebted to God’s grace and the depths of His mercy lavished upon us through our brethren from Australia. What a good and kind God we serve.

I will do my best to journal our endeavors for the Gospel in each day.

•

God has been so good today. Despite a setback in a delay of the delivery of the Gospel tracts, still, by the sheer goodness of God, we were able to hand out around/over 3,000 tracts all over Cubao, QuezonCity.

We were much despondent when we realized that the delivery is 3 hours late. Our friends from Way of the Master Philippines have been waiting for us since 1pm. We were only able to meet with them with the tracts at after 4pm. Nevertheless we believed in the power of the Holy Ghost to work effectually despite our weakness and sin. He is mighty and able to glorify Himself even through the meanest of vessels.

The fire of the Lord was kindled in each one who took part in this work for God’s kingdom. The boldness of Christ was clearly seen, all because of the confidence we have in Christ. What an inexpressible joy to be gripped with the joy and love of Christ in His Gospel.

May God add His blessing for this work. May God kill every bit of pride in our hearts and exalt Himself alone in the preaching and heralding of His Gospel. We have our confidence in the Gospel, that it is His means to save even the most wretched of men.

Soli Deo Gloria!

Friday, February 4

It’s the morning of February 5. It’s Saturday today. I wasn’t able to write an entry last night (Feb 4) because of exhaustion. God was tremendously merciful to us.

In the morning, yesterday, the 4th of February, we were able to distribute 3,700 Gospel tracts. We have now distributed 9,400 Gospel tracts.

By God’s sheer mercy we were able to freely herald the gospel of the grace of God. Had fruitful conversations with people commanding people by the Spirit of God to repent from their sin and by faith and faith alone believe in the Lord Jesus Christ.

God preserved us throughout a long day, even after perseveringly enduring an equally long day the previous night.

At 12noon Luke and I accompanied Craig to the airport for is flight to Leyte. Satan’s plans were thwarted as God protected us from a cab that sought to abuse us by taking a 3 times longer route.

We desperately pray that God is glorified in all things.

Saturday, February 5

We just got home from the missions field. Distributed 4,200 Gospel tracts between the areas of Ortigas, Quezon City Circle and St. Peter’s Chapel. Opportunities as well were opened to us to verbally proclaim the Gospel.

By God’s grace we were sustained in strength and confidence in hope for the Joy set before us. His Gospel is far too glorious to not be proclaimed to this sad and dying world. Multitudes of people totally oblivious of the reality that the wrath of God abides upon them, that it is the sheer mercy of a sovereign God alone in His common grace that they are not in Hell is moment.

But nevertheless God is so merciful and He is indeed love that He would bother to make known the way of salvation to such abominable creatures as we are.

We glory in our weakness. We glory in our worthlessness. We glory that in us, cracked clay pots, God’s mighty, powerful, sovereign grace is thoroughly magnified and glorified.

All glory to the King of kings and Lord of lords.

God was so kind and good upon us today that He sent a fellow laborer with us for the Gospel, Kenneth Calamay, a dear brother and friend. We were much encouraged with his presence and his eagerness to herald the Gospel of Christ. We also had some choice encounters with other believers in Christ who expressed their joy and support for the labors put forth for the Kingdom. We are filled with gladness for such a good God.

The Gospel was sent forth today in prayer and in the power of the Holy Ghost. May He be pleased to save a multitude for His glory.

Soli Deo Gloria!

Sunday, February 6

It’s the Lord’s day today, February 6th. Luke Stewart is joining us for Lord’s Day worship for the first time. Was really eager to introduce him to my dear brothers and sisters from my local church. Was able to invite my mom as well to join. It is my sincere prayer and desire that she would attend and sit regularly under the faithful preaching of God’s Word.

It was a very blessed and Christ exalting day. In Pastor Hubert’s sermon, each one was rebuked and encouraged to take one’s profession of faith in Christ seriously, and if found out that they are not in Christ them seek Christ earnestly for salvation.

The presence of Luke, I felt, was invaluable today. The message He preached on the life of Adonairam Judson added more to the conviction that Pastor Hubert desired to thrust into our hearts, that if the truth of God really is true, and if Christ’s life, death, burial and resurrection really is true for the redemption of lost sinners, then it is a must that the same truth must radically change our lives.

In Luke’s message the emphasis was given on how it is that a Christian must suffer. How it is an inevitable reality that a Christian will unavoidably suffer if indeed he is one. But suffering not in a mediocre, middle-line profession of faith. But a suffering because one has seen the surpassing worth of Jesus Christ the Lord that he would fling all things, life, honor and gain for love of Him!

Also, we have seen how it is really a privilege to suffer, to be counted worthy to suffer with Jesus Christ the Lord, filling up the afflictions of our Lord.

My heart was broken to hear of such a saint who would risk madness, who would risk ten thousand sights of pitch black hopelessness and utter agony of heart and still press on for the Cross of Christ.

I couldn’t keep a dry eye. My heart was pierced all throughout the day. It is my heart’s desire and prayer that the same was evident in the hearts of others present.

Praise the Lord for such a Lord’s Day! Oh the wonder of witnessing the grace of God pouring into our hearts like a sea of a million blades granting us faith to love Christ more.

Praise the Lord!

Monday, February 7

Yet again in a new day filled with mercies of a sovereign God, He has showered upon us, on each and every moment, grace upon grace, nay the fullness of grace that which is poured out from the heart of our dear Lord Jesus.

We were much physically weak and tired, but we glory in it because God’s grace was much magnified. Praise the Lord!

We were joined today by Pastor Hubert, Jenny his wife, and Roy a deacon of Christ’s Glory Church for evangelism. We engaged the people in the Marikina area. A lot of students were able to receive the Gospel through the tracts. We have our hope and confidence that the Lord surely can save each one for His glory! And we implore Him so, glorify Yourself in the salvation of souls O God!

By a miracle of grace we were able to hand out close to 3,900 Gospel tracts in the span of 3 hours. Surely our God and King was at work at each second of the day.

We believe in the Holy Ghost.
We believe in the Holy Ghost.
We believe in the Holy Ghost.

We ended quite early today and had a lot of spare time for fellowship with each other in Christ. Pastor Hubert and Jenny most generously and most kindly offered us all with lunch at their home. I should say that it is an evidence that God does care for us much, as He does so dearly for those who are His. The meal was very very good and healthy. We praise the Lord so much for Pastor Hubert and Jenny.

Afterwards since I was feeling a bit feverish, Pastor Hubert yet again was so kind as to drive me and Luke to my home. Jenny and their sweet daughter Chloe came along as well.

We had a great time at home. Mom prepared some snacks as well for us, she too was invited again by Pastor Hubert to join our Sunday Worship this coming week. I really pray that she would come along with my Dad.

6pm I left for our Bible Study at CCF, Ortigas. We heard declared how it is that we must be peacemakers if truly we are Christians, sons of God. How it is that we should desperately desire that others would enjoy the peace of God that we have through the Cross of Christ and make them see the futility of their hostility against a sovereign and wrathful God. We were sent back to examine our hearts yet again in light of the Gospel.

After the study, I and some of the members of the group went for dinner. Was concerned that Craig wasn’t home yet. Still, I trusted in the Lord that He really does faithfully keep all those who are His.

Enjoyed the presence of other dear sisters in Christ through dinner, then travelled back home in a trip filled with Christ exalting conversation.

Finally, Craig is home.

Soli Deo Gloria!
Praise the Lord for His inexpressible gift!

• We found out that the reason why Craig was so late to come home was because he was robbed in a restaurant near the airport that he ate in. I personally was encouraged how Craig saw that which was lost as nothing of any value but still saw the glory of Christ as more precious. Satan may try to afflict and deceive and rob and destroy, but nevertheless Christ is still ruling on His throne. He will get glory out of everything. EVERYTHING.

All glory to the King!

Tuesday, February 8

We just got home from the conference in Dasmarinas, Cavite. It was a very blessed day for me personally and I pray a far more blessed day for all the local pastors and ministers that attended the conference. Luke and I accompanied Craig today.

We were late for the conference for 2-3 hours because we didn’t anticipate how far it really was and how bad the traffic is in the morning going there, but still we do praise the Lord for bringing us safely to the venue. God has been good in granting us His traveling mercies. For this and many, many other things we do give Him the glory.

Craig preached a series of stirring and convicting messages. He labored that all would learn and be reminded of what is of first importance, the Gospel. By the grace of God He pointed us to the radical nature that must be present in us if truly Christ is in us. And also we were challenged that it is an impossibility to be indifferent and apathetic towards the truth of God, caring little about it, no zeal and fervor, if we really have known the truth and if really God has graciously known us.

The question and answer forum was interesting. A lot of interesting questions were raised, although it was quite unfortunate that only a couple of questions were asked that actually had something to do with the topic of the conference, still I think it was fruitful because the minds of the hearers were opened and they were not at all shy and reserved to make known their thoughts and questions.

We simply do pray that the Lord would make all that is said effectual in the hearts and minds of all that is present, that He would guard us from error and reinforce us and plant us all in His truth.

After the conference we spent time in fellowship with the pastors and attendees. Very sincere people and needful of much grace like we are. Questions concerning predestination and worship were answered, but what we were more happy about is that we were able to impart Biblical wisdom and knowledge in regards to evangelism and the main issues concerning Christianity, though it was in a smaller forum and audience, we still do pray that God can use it to help a hundred or even a thousand more.

May the Lord enlighten their hearts and cause them to seek more. May He give us all a holy dissatisfaction that we may all never tire to seek to learn more of Him and labor with all our might by the help and power of God the Holy Spirit that we would be able to appropriate any knowledge and any faith that we would attain into a fervent life for His glory.

We do thank God for the organizers of the event Pastor Dennis Panganiban and his family and the elders of his church, who, by the kindness of the Lord was very patient with us and very loving towards us in extending such Christ-exalting hospitality.

All to praises to the name of the Savior who reigns!

Soli Deo Gloria!

Wednesday, February 9

The Lord has granted us a day to rest and recover from the labor of the past days where we constantly engaged ourselves, by the grace of God, in the labor of the Lord.

We slept very well the previous night. We took the morning slow and just thanked God for the gift of rest that we may reflect upon His perfections and enjoy one another’s company.

In the evening we invited Craig and Luke to join our church for a dinner of fellowship.

Though practically strangers nevertheless we found our hearts tightly knit together in Christ. Though from different cultures and from different countries, nevertheless we have one Savior, one baptism, one Lord over all, Jesus Christ the Lord.

Craig and Luke were family to us, and it didn’t take long at all for anyone to realize that fact. The love of the Lord was overflowing through our hearts for one another.

Everyone was deeply encouraged. We all enjoyed one another’s presence. Simple, ordinary people, centering around an extraordinary God and King.

Surely it is true, the land is even under the foot of the Cross.

Thursday, February 10

It’s Thursday today. We thank God for giving us the grace to live another day. We thank God so much for the privilege to live for the Gospel this day.

We left home early so we could bring Craig to the bus station to meet up with one of the pastors who are presiding the Conference that Craig will be speaking at later today at Bulacan.

7am we arrived at the bus terminal in Bulacan and met up with Pastor Edmund Delos Reyes. 7:30am, Craig and Pastor Edmund left for Bulacan. Luke and I went on our way to continue engaging in street evangelism.

God blessed us with volunteers today, dear friends from Church, Jim Fernandez and his sister Jill. Their presence was invaluable.

On our way to the location (Sta. Lucia mall), God providentially opened an opportunity for us to hand out tracts in a very efficient manner. Almost 2000 tracts were handed out in the train station, in an area where people are just exiting the escalator to ride the train. By God’s grace this was accomplished in an hour’s time until we were stopped by security.

We left the train station to meet with Jim and Jill at the mall. We handed out tracts on the way there.

Jill arrived with some sandwiches for us, a great blessing. She also brought us cold water, a great help throughout the day.

After a short snack we went ahead to Marikina, over at the market area. 2,000 tracts left to distribute. We gave tracts to the stall owners and store sales people. Along with Jill, I was able to verbally proclaim the Gospel to a handful of store owners. Though there was one difficult person to discuss with, I just pray the Gospel was clearly proclaimed to those present.

After regrouping we had lunch at a small Resto. Luke didn’t eat though because he had a bad case of sore throat. We went to Chowking and had “halo-halo”, a Filipino dessert Delicacy. It was great to sooth Luke’s sore throat.

Jim joined us coming from work so he has no sleep yet. He left after we ate.

After having lunch, Jill, Luke and I went back to the Marikina City Hall area. We handed out a number of tracts then Luke challenged me to preach open-air.

I was in great fear and in great trembling. Was for a moment afflicted with thoughts of defaulting to distributing tracts instead of preaching. For a moment I was ashamed of the Gospel of Christ. But He still is far too precious and far too glorious to be neglected. If Christ is beside us in each moment I would think we would spend our lives doing nothing but preach the glory of His Name in the Gospel.

I trembled as I approached to climb the marble stump where the flagpole was attached. I asked Luke to pray for me. Seconds after saying amen, I hopped onto the marble and began to preach the Gospel of the Lord Jesus.

My voice strained as I shouted to all those who would hear the Gospel. I labored to present the holiness and majesty of God, the sinfulness of sin, the Cross of Christ and the wonder and hope of His sovereign grace.

A few people stopped to listen. Just 8 at most. Mostly students. Many passers-by. But though not everyone could hear, just the idea that they saw someone preaching something, risking ridicule and scorn, I pray the Lord would so work upon their hearts and they would seriously inquire the contents of the Gospel tract they have in their hands.

After 15 or so minutes, I stepped down and approached Luke and Jill, still was trembling. They both gave tracts to anyone who would take the time to stop and listen, even for a moment.

I simply resign myself to so great a hope, that God indeed saves through the message preached. Oh, may He indeed do so, for His own name’s sake may He indeed do so!

We were much physically tired afterwards. We ended the day in hope. May the Lord bring a harvest to Himself today!

All praises to the King of kings and Lord of lords!

Friday, February 11

It’s the last day. Craig and Luke will leave at 4:30 tomorrow morning.

Luke and I were pretty tired from yesterday. I feel as if we were closing our limit in engaging the streets health-wise. Though we know that there is no limit to what our sovereign Lord can do, we felt that it would be best to take care of our bodies and take it easy today especially since it is the last day.

Craig arrived from Bulacan quite early, almost 6pm I think it was. Was really glad and thankful to the Lord for keeping him safe in his journey back. We also heard wonderful news from the conference that Craig keynoted in! Pastors and ministers for the first time embracing the Gospel! It is very sad however when I ask myself “What then is the ‘Gospel’ that they previously believed? What then is the ‘Gospel’ that they previously preached?” But nevertheless, God’s purposes is being made plain. We glory in the mighty, powerful, and effectual grace of God that does soften hard hearts, open blind eyes and unstop deaf ears!

Our country needs much prayer. We are in utter desperate need for God’s grace. I have my confidence that He will complete that which He has begun, not by virtue of our own abilities, but by the might of His power. May He be pleased to use whatever means possible to glorify Himself in our land!

8:30pm arrived and friends from church came over for a send off party for Luke and Craig. Mom cooked up some good food. Roy brought some as well. It was a very blessed night, especially since we just found out that morning that Pastor Hubert’s wife, Jenny, was for a month and a half, pregnant already. Praise the Lord!

We had great fellowship all throughout the night. But like all things, the fellowship had to end as well. Though we felt like we were shortchanged with the time we spent together, we still look forward in hope that there’s always a next time when God would bring us all together again in fellowship and in worship before our God and King. And most of all we look forward to a time of endless joys together in eternity.

A few more photos taken. Gifts given to Luke and Craig. Then we closed the night as Pastor Hubert led us in prayer.

Praise the Lord for brothers and sisters in Christ that remind us of Christ and how precious He is to believers.

Saturday, February 12

My Dad and Mom drove Craig and Luke to the airport. I wasn’t able to accompany them because of sore eyes and a slight fever.

What Can 21,000 Gospel Tracts Do?

By the power of God’s sovereign grace

21,000 souls can be saved.

I will do my best to journal our endeavors for the Gospel in each day.

•

God has been so good today. Despite a setback in a delay of the delivery of the Gospel tracts, still, by the sheer goodness of God, we were able to hand out around/over 3,000 tracts all over Cubao.

We were much despondent when we realized that the delivery is 3 hours late. Our friends from Way of the Master Philippines have been waiting for us since 1pm. We were only able to meet with them with the tracts at after 4pm. Nevertheless we believed in the power of the Holy Ghost to work effectually despite our weakness and sin. He is mighty and able to glorify Himself even through the meanest of vessels.

The fire of the Lord was kindled in each one who took part in this work for God’s kingdom. The boldness of Christ was clearly seen, all because of the confidence we have in Christ. What an inexpressible joy to be gripped with the joy and love of Christ in His Gospel.

May God add His blessing for this work. May God kill every bit of pride in our hearts and exalt Himself alone in the preaching and heralding of His Gospel. We have our confidence in the Gospel, that it is His means to save even the most wretched of men.

Soli Deo Gloria!

I think it is a common experience for believers to go through life thinking that their prayers are seldom heard by God. Whether our prayers are made in the deepest devotion of our souls or whether it is made through the mere surfaces of our hearts, there’s often that feeling in our hearts that wonders if our prayers really are heard.

But you know how that works, don’t you.

Life does not operate by what we feel or see.

Christ does not work by the compass of our hearts. Instead, He directs the rudder of our lives wherever He wishes and blows the wind of His purposes according to His good pleasure. Whether we feel it or not, God is closely watching, closely listening, closely moving… for our good and for His glory.

His greatest desire in each moment of our lives is to glorify Himself, to squeeze out every bit of glory that He can get out of us. And when He does so He isn’t indifferent to the cries of our hearts. He hears our prayers. The Father delights to listen to our prayers. And in His goodness and in His grace He moves His hand toward us whether in affliction or in dispensation of mercies comforting, to show us how He loves us so.

Yes our prayers are heard by the Father, our perfect High Priest in Christ Jesus makes sure of it, as well as does the Holy Spirit sanctifying the words of our mouths and the words of our hearts to make it acceptable before the throne of grace.

Be patient dear soul. He hears your prayers.

And what a joy it is, because He does answer your prayers.

And I fall flat on my face and worship.

Thank you, thank you, thank you dear Lord, my Master, my Beloved, my Savior, my King. Thank you.

Here are their answers:

How that Word never, ever fails to speak wonderful things to me, when I read it with a hungry and humble heart.

—Dennis Gundersen

It is life transforming it is alive and active in my life and it comes from the very mouth of God.

—Rebecca Donahue Bach

I love how it is personal, a Word in season from the Almighty to me! Just when I need to hear it for comfort, strength, courage, peace, on and on.

—Donna Jones Lochridge

That I can’t live it in myself….it is only through the grace and mercy of God and if it wasn’t for the death and resurection of Christ and the sending forth the Holy Spirit it would be impossible. It makes me realize daily my weakness and inability to live the Word – even my desire to please the Lord comes from Him…what grace, what mercy that He would do this for me!!! Yet even through all that I fail…but He never gives up on me. praise His wonderful Name!!!!

—Doris Howard

Christ.

—Celeste Rodriguez

To add my own thoughts to theirs:

The greatest wonder I ever think of when I think about the living Word of the living God, what my heart and mind can never comprehend, what grips my affections so fully and deeply, is why would an infinite God whose same words spoke all things into existence would bother to speak to me, draw me to Himself, save me?

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

—Romans 5:1-5

…and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.v5

And hope maketh not ashamed,…

As a vain hope does, things not answering to expectation, it deceives, and is lost; but the grace of hope is of such a nature, as that it never fails deceives, or disappoints: it neither makes ashamed, nor have persons that have any reason to be ashamed of it; neither of the grace itself, which is a good one; nor of the ground and foundation of it, the person and righteousness of Christ; nor of the object of it, eternal glory:

because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost, which is given unto us.

By “the love of God” is meant, not that love by which we love God, for hope does not depend upon, nor is it supported by our love and obedience to God; but the love of God to us, of which some instances are given in the following verses:

us is said “to be shed abroad in our hearts”;

which denotes the plenty and abundance of it, and the full and comfortable sensation which believers have of it:

“by the Holy Spirit”:

who leads into, and makes application of it:

“and is given to us”:

for that purpose, as the applier of all grace, the Comforter, and the earnest of heaven.

Now the love which the Spirit sheds abroad in the heart, is the source and spring, both of justification itself, which is owing to the free grace of God, and of all the effects of it,

as peace with God,

access to the throne of grace,

rejoicing in hope of the glory of God,

the usefulness of afflictions,

and the stability of hope, and is here alleged as the reason of all.

—John Gill, Commentary on Romans 5

In You are endless joys. In You alone is my soul satisfied. In You alone is grace and peace found, nay, the fullness of grace and peace. How excellent is Your name, O God, my God. My soul is ravished by the declarations of Your glory.

I am weak and defiled by sin. Often am I overcome by my flesh and the temptations that beset me. Though You have promised a way out in every temptation, in my unbelief I chose not to employ of them. I plead Thy Son, in whom I find my perfect righteousness. He is my perfect High Priest. Be satisfied in His perfect sacrifice for sinners like I.

And in Your grace that You so freely lavished upon us through Your Son, I beg You dear God, make me more like Him. I hate sin! O, how I abhor myself when wickedness arises in me! Grant me greater faith to believe in Your power to subdue my soul. I commit myself to You, my God. O, please, I beg you, make me like Jesus. Make me holy like Him. Make me love You like Jesus loves You. O, please dear God.

I thank You so much for the Lord’s Day meeting where we heard declared once again how You are just and faithful to forgive us our sins when we confess them. What depths of mercy, mercy for sinners like me! Though drowned in a sea of iniquity, still the Blood runs deeper than the stain has gone!

Ministry is quite a difficult thing for me, dear God. For I see pride quickly rising up in my heart after a word is spoken. When people are helped, when laboring to point people to Your Son, how often do I find myself wanting to disappear. O make it so Lord that You alone be exalted in the eyes of men. How I love them so, but how I love You more-so, infinitely more, high above than I ever do them.

There is so much to be done, dear God. So much that if I number them all in my heart I would find myself quickly in great discouragement. For what am I but a man, nay as the Proverb says, I’m too stupid to be a man (Pro 30:2)! Oh, what am I but a man, a maggot, a worm (Job 25:6) before the effulgence of Your glory?

Oh dear precious LORD, one thing I ask, make this true in my life:

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. (Galatians 2:20)

Please Lord, make it so that Christ alone may be seen in me, and Christ alone may live through me.

I am easily deceived, dear God. I am weak and frail. My heart and mind are easily bound up to many things and cares of this world. But to you, O wise and faithful and sovereign God do I commit all things. You who orders the heavens and the earth, and all manner of molecules and cycles, events and experiences, for my good and for Your glory, to you do I cling. You ask us to cast our burdens upon Your Son, so I do.

Oh dear, beloved God, thank you for the depths of Your great love. In You I have so great a confidence and unquenchable joy and peace. What more else should I desire after You have declared: “I am your God. And you are My people.”

Oh to have you as Mine, I am complete.

Bless and keep your people dear God. Oh so often faithless, we are in so much desperate need for grace, for You O Lord. We are nothing without You, nothing apart from You. Direct our steps, dear God. Show us Your will. Align our hearts and minds to Your purposes, not ours. We desire not that our plans be accomplished, but Yours and Yours alone. In You alone do we find our delight.

Please do so, dear God. May the Holy Spirit add His blessing.

In Thy Son, my perfect Savior I pray,

Amen.

As I look back to the year gone by I see so much of Your manifold mercies, Your wondrous works. I see the multitude of my doubts, the multitude of my sin and faithlessness, the congregation of mine own iniquities, my pathetic battle against sin and temptation. I remember the myriad days when my heart and spirit were ice cold towards You, little desiring of You.

And yet though hemmed by a mountain of sin, I behold Thy glory. In the blackness of the skies of my heart, the Star of David shines ever brightly.

I remember myself in many days and nights, a thousand moments where I am overcome by unbelief. A million moments when I am consumed by self. Thoughts and affections directed and grounded upon self. Just so long as the needs of self is satisfied I will be well.

Oh but what a betrayal these all are.

How could I? How could I so sin against You? How could I care little when I dishonor You so? When I trample underfoot Your blood that was shed for sinners like me?

How dare I! Oh dear Master, I beg You, never ever let me get over being broken over my sin, never ever let me get over being broken before You. Break me into a million pieces dear God, if need be, that in me might be beheld Your glory.

You have given me so much, blessed me so much, so much for my good and for Your glory. Oh, saved such a wretch as I!

A precious church to finally be a part of. A dear body of weak and feeble believers like I am that clings on to grace like I do. Precious new friends, dear, dear brothers and sisters that remind me of nothing less than Christ.

O, how I thank You. How I thank You.

And when I think of the many days I am despondent and in a morose estate, I am shamed. For how can my heart sorrow so in the great wonder that is in my Jesus?

Depths of mercy! Can there be, mercy still reserved for me?

Oh yes, there was and is and will never be exhausted! O, the inexhaustible riches that are in Christ Jesus! O, joy inexpressible in my Sovereign King, my dear Beloved!

In the new year: Direct my steps, dear Lord. I commit my mind and heart to You. You are good. You are holy and just. There is not a maverick instance in life that you do not ordain. And though pained and I become a greater sufferer, I delight in it. Crosses, dear Lord! Crosses! Crosses, that Christ may be greater formed in me!

I believe from the bottom of my heart that whatever You ordain is right. For my good and for Your glory.

Keep Your church in your arms, show my family the free grace in Christ, direct our hearts and hopes to the way of holiness. Preserve us in the fullness of your mercy and grace.

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
“The LORD is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.”

The LORD is good to those who wait for him,
to the soul who seeks him.
It is good that one should wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.
It is good for a man that he bear
the yoke in his youth.

Let him sit alone in silence
when it is laid on him;
let him put his mouth in the dust—
there may yet be hope;
let him give his cheek to the one who strikes,
and let him be filled with insults.

For the Lord will not
cast off forever,
but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion
according to the abundance of his steadfast love;
for he does not willingly afflict
or grieve the children of men.

—Lamentations 3:22-33

In my dear perfect Mediator I pray all these things, Him who does all things well,

Amen.