_Birthday; Nothing but a Feeble Saint

So I had quite a long day on the 13th, just a couple of hours before the time of events that I will write about in this entry. Had a great privilege to preach the Gospel of free grace with my friend, Kim. Was pretty tired already and a new work day was coming up in 2 to 3 hours, and unbeknowest to me the day got more peculiar than ever.

12:00 midnight

12 midnight came, it’s officially the 14th of October. Well, in my side of the world at least. So, I finally turned 23 years of age.

I didn’t expect much from this particular Birthday of mine. I scarcely talk to my secular friends anymore, so I don’t expect to hear anything from them. I haven’t been in my local Church that consistently of late too because of our financial situation, that being, fellowship with the local brethren escapes me.

Also because of our financial situation I didn’t bother telling my friends that my Birthday is coming up and that I want to celebrate it with them. It may be a bit cruel for me, but I basically don’t have anything to celebrate with. And even if they did come over I would just feel bad for not being able to do anything for them. So I just kept silent about it to them.

Then the clock struck 12.

I turned 23.

Though some people say that relationships built through virtual sites and social media like Facebook and Twitter aren’t real. To me, especially on this day, nothing could be more real. Perhaps it’s that distinct difference of fellowship between Christian brethren that though we are separated by land, sea, color and culture, we all are still one in the Lord Christ Jesus worshiping in Spirit and in Truth. To be able to love and worship the same God and Savior they love, there are too few things that can bring people together more than that.

That is, not just superficial relationships, not just a shallow bringing together of friendship, rather, a true bond of laying all of self for the sake of the other even through social media. A counting of the other as better as one’s self. Or like Paul who is convinced to know nothing about one except Christ and Himself crucified. What I mean is, whoever we are, whatever our backgrounds maybe, whatever our temperaments are, we can all resign in love ‘coz all that matters in each and every one is Christ and Himself crucified.

And the messages started coming, one after the other. Birthday messages and greetings from all around the world keep coming. And yet to such as I am? To such a wretch and despicable, sinful abomination as I am? What has made me to differ?

Here’s what I told a friend in conversation as we were talking about my Birthday:

Basically I have this personality defect that God drilled to me ever since my teen years. ‘Coz of that I don’t really know how to receive words of thanks anymore, I mean, to properly respond to it, or what to say, what to do.

See, my life isn’t exactly your average guy’s life. We as a family went through ditches in our life that was virtually humanly impossible to get out of.

Me personally, got so messed up in my HS days that I literally had no self-esteem to speak of.

So basically, when we talk about depravity, believe me, I KNOW what that means. In every sense of the word, in myself and even in others, but especially in myself.

So, when someone says a word of appreciation to me…I go:
“Huh? I know me… and I am such a sinful wretch and I know that I don’t deserve that… I don’t, I really don’t. And yet I receive such words??”

So when I say that I am immensely crushed and humbled by such words, trust that I truly am.

I can’t help but stop, ponder and ponder as to why, and I just don’t get it, I never did and never will…nothing in me…then I realize again and again: “grace, grace, grace, grace, grace, grace, grace.”

Then I’m brought back yet again, again and again to the reality of grace, grace, grace, grace, grace, grace, grace.

I am immensely crushed, encouraged and humbled. Though I deserve no good word, the Lord, in His good pleasure saw it pleasing to lavish such love upon me through the brethren.

I fall flat on my face and worship.

What a grace and privilege to have such brethren, to have such brothers and sisters in Christ. Oh, it makes me yearn all the more for that time in eternity when we all in unison will worship the Lord without sin in the perfect image of Christ. What joy would that day be!

@around 1:00am Work hours started

Told my boss that it was my Birthday. She was so kind as to give me a day off. I told her though that since I already am on I’ll take a short work day today.

While I was working she asked for my paypal email address. To my surprise, as I’ve discovered almost 12 hours later, she asked that so she could send me a gift! Though it wasn’t a humungous amount of money I am yet again humbled with God’s glorious grace!

My heart is so full that it might actually, literally burst.

I went on with work, Birthday messages still kept coming.

This is by far one of the most joyous days of my life. There are so few moments when I see God’s grace so, so beautiful. In each moment I am reminded by the depths of my depravity, and yet in contrast God reveals His grace in even greater measure. Truly it is not upon him who wills, or to him who runs, but it is to the Lord who has mercy!

“All praise to the name of the savior who reigns.

He’s taken our blame – embraced all our shame.

He’s raised from the grave, so His fame, we proclaim!

Salvation by grace through faith in His name.”

7:00am

Work day was over, went to bed.

12:00nn

Woke up, to my pleasant surprise my brother and his wife is here at home! I really missed them. I haven’t seen them in a month or two. I’m glad they were able to stop by for my birthday.

Mom cooked spaghetti, Dad bought me cake (which is practically Mom’s anyway).

We took some family pictures and ate the food away!

4:00pm

Prepared to go to OMF literature bookstore in Boni Avenue. Left in around 30 minutes.

6:15pm

Arrived at OMF literature. I really wanted to get myself an ESV Study Bible for my Birthday. But for now my first order of business is to survey the stocks and available books. I found a lot of gems though it seems I expected too much. Not to mention that most of the prices are disheartening. Either way they have a comparatively rich resource of great works as compared to other Christian bookstores.

All I was able to buy is Jerry Bridges “The Pursuit of Holiness”.

[Pictures of books to follow]

8:30pm

Went on my way home. Listened to a sermon delivered by C.H. Spurgeon on the way home, “Do You Know Him”.

10:30pm

Arrived home. Ate my dinner, prepared for a new work day.